How to make Friends in your 20s (When You're Shy, Busy, or Starting Fresh)

Making friends as a kid? Easy. You sat next to someone in class, shared snacks, and boom--you were inseparable. Making friends in your 20s? A whole different story.

Between school, work, mental health, healing, independence, and trying to keep your life from falling apart....finding new people can feel overwhelming. But here's the truth: you're not the only one struggling with it. So many young adults feel lonely, disconnected, or unsure where to even start. And that's exactly why this guide exists.

Whether you just moved out, started school, switched jobs, or you're simply ready for healthier connections--here's how to build a community that actually feels good to you.

Photo by Surface on Unsplash

Start with this: You Don't Need 20 Friends -- You Need the Right Ones

A "friend group" isn't a requirement for adulthood.

Quality > Quantity always.

One genuine, supportive person can do more for your life than 10 "sometimes" friends. So instead of trying to fit into circles that don't feel right, focus on finding people who:

• Make you feel safe

• Respect your boundaries

• Celebrate your wins

• Encourage growth

• Match your energy

These are friendships that last

Join Space Where People Already Share Your Interests

You don't have to force conversations or pretend to be outgoing. Just go where the connections are already built into the environment:

• Local volunteer groups (youth programs, food banks, community events)

• Clubs at your school or online programs

• Gaming communities or discord servers

• Creative meetups (writing circles, art nights, photography groups)

• Fitness classes or walking groups

This works because you don't have to "start from scratch." You automatically have a shared interest to talk about--which takes the pressure off.

Try the "Soft Approach" If You're Shy

You don't have to walk in loud and confident. Small steps count:

• Make eye contact +smile

• Sit near someone consistently

• Compliment something small (hair, shoes, notebook)

• Ask one east question ( Have you taken this class before?)

These tiney interactions build familiarity, which builds comfort, which truns into friendship. You don't need to "be outgoing." You just need to be approachable in your own way.

Use Social Media to Build Real-Life Connections

Yes--social media can help your real life. Try:

• Engaging with people who live near you

• Joining in local youth groups or community pages

• Commenting on someone's story in a normal, non-weird way

• Posting about hobbies to attract people with the same interests

The secret? Don't overthink it. People love connecting with people who feel real, authentic, and kind.

Say Yes More Than You Say No

You don't have to commit to everything but try this rule: If it sounds interesting and won't drain you, say yes. Say yes to:

• A study group

• A small hangout

• A club meeting

• A volunteer shift

• A community event

• A quick coffee

Sometimes the best of friendships come from moments you almost skipped.

Build Routine Friendships

Sometimes friendships from simply because you see someone consistently. This might look like:

• Sitting in the same spot during class

• Going to the same gym at the same time

• Attending the same weekly event

• Joining a recurring volunteer shift

• Participating in a weekly hobby group

Consistency = comfort.

Comfort = friendship.

Be the Friend You Want to Have

Healthy friendships start with you. Ask yourself: Would I want to be friends with me? Be the person who:

• Follows up

• Checks in

• Listens

• Send encouragement

• Respects boundaries

• Shows up when it matters

Good friendships are built on reciprocity -- not perfection.

It's Okay to Outgrow People

If someone drains you, disrespects you, or consistently disappears....let them go. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. And that's okay. You deserve people who:

• Value you

• Hear you

• Make space for you

• Want you around

The right friends won't make you question it.

You're Not Behind -- You're Building Your Circle

Making friends in your 20s isn't about luck -- it's about intention. Showing up in spaces that feel right for you. Take small steps. Be open to connection. And remember: even is it takes time, you are worthy of people who appreciate you.

Your people are out there -- you just haven'y met all of them yet.